We may as well get this out of the way now because you’re going to hear me talk about it… often. You know why I started writing again? Karen, my therapist, told me that I block out pain. I know it’s an expression to say, someone “puts a wall up” on their feelings, but I got so used to shutting out pain that I forgot how to feel it. When I did feel it, it was intense and followed by a depression; an endless cycle of shame.
I’ve always liked writing, but haven’t really found anything I’m passionate enough to write about continuously. So, when Karen told me suggested writing to recall my childhood, it forced me to sit and write… and feel. In the beginning, I was talking to EVERYONE about what I was writing because I was having so much fun doing it. Remembering and allowing myself to feel sad was a bit intense, but I feel like I was able to write my way through that pain.
Months passed. I wrote here and there, but not consistently. In fact, my first blog’s name was Consistently Inconsistent. It’s just how I felt at the time. I continued to heal though. I did a lot more posting and writing on Instagram (which is where my current name comes from) and was BLOWN AWAY by the response I received about my transparency. People used words like inspiring, EMPOWERING, beautiful, and fearless. So, when I say that there is power and healing in vulnerability it is because I’ve seen it happen first hand. It’s scary and down right awkward in the beginning. You have to know that. You are, essentially, taking off your mask in hopes that your family and friends accept you despite your flaws.
For me, it’s losing a sense of control. I’ve spent so much time in my life achieving perfection to prove that I’m worth loving that I have had to work very hard at remembering how worthy I am. For me, being vulnerable and transparent means showing my friends and family all the reasons I’m NOT perfect.
You know what I’ve found? People not only seem to appreciate me more, but I’m HEARING it. I’ve opened up so many doors and opportunities this year by simply being myself and learning to acknowledge the ugly and scary parts of life without being ashamed of them.
- It takes courage to be vulnerable, so don’t ever think of it as a sign of weakness or a lack of strength.
- You cannot take on take on the burden of feeling your pain alone (no one can) and once you open up, you’ll find that you will never have to.
- Vulnerability is a risk. People WILL see you in a different light both good and bad, but you know what? That has nothing to do with you. When you open up about who you truly are, you find out who your support system is.
- I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t allow myself to wallow, but I allow myself to feel and to share. There is a difference between complaining about the same thing you refuse to change and talking through your frustrations.
Stay kind. Stay fierce.